So the story of how we came to the name Piper is a bit of a windy one, as we really had no girls names picked out before we found out that she was indeed a little girl. And of course, we were quite sure she was a boy for awhile, and have had a boys name picked out since we were engaged. So naturally, one of my first thoughts after seeing that cute pink center of the cupcake was “oh my gosh what are we gonna call her?!”
So it’s been a bit of a rough week… I had three nights of very little sleep (Piper is just getting big enough to make sleeping a little uncomfortable) and work has been a bit stressful. Add to that lots of thinking about the future and all of the incredibly drastic changes barreling towards us, plus looking up baby classes in two states and checking out real estate websites… It’s kind of a lot.
I also had about two days of non-stop panicking after posting my forgiveness blog, it is by far the most personal thing I have ever shared, and it was all fear of man silliness, but I was freaked. And despite trying to keep my focus on God, and what He thinks of me, I was getting very caught up in my emotions and fears. And then I found this glorious post (full post found here) and this excerpt was exactly what I needed to hear.
So I think that is the perfect title, because you could have knocked me over with a feather immediately after hearing (or rather seeing) that news last Saturday. But let’s back up. We had Bert’s first ultrasound on Tuesday, April 23, and after MUCH debate (like seriously, hours of conversation) had decided that we didn’t want them to tell us if Bert was a boy or girl, but we did want to watch the whole ultrasound. If we could guess, more power to us, but we would wait until the Gender Reveal Party Saturday to know for sure. We brought in two 3 * 5 cards, one with an “it’s a boy” sticker and one with an “it’s a girl” sticker. We gave it to the ultrasound tech and had her put it in an envelope (that against all odds we did NOT look at!) and gave to our friend who would make the cupcakes with a pink or blue center, depending on if Bert was a boy or girl. Then at the party, we would all eat them at the same time, and find out together!
Starting in high school, and continuing for several years, I struggled with an embarrassing and enslaving form of sexual sin. I tried over and over to beat it by sheer willpower, and would fail over and over again. This produced a lot of consequences, the biggest was that it really warped the way I viewed God. I thought He was constantly disappointed in me, and didn’t really like me very much. I grew up in a Christian home, and knew the Gospel, but it wasn’t until talking with someone recently that I truly began to understand how the Gospel applied to this situation, and what Gods forgiveness really meant.
By Gods grace it has been quite a while since I have had a problem in that area, but sometimes I will see or hear something that reminds me of it, and it is tempting to fall into shame and guilt all over again. I heard a sermon a while ago that is the best reminder of Gods forgiveness that I have ever heard, and want to share a part of it here. Its by Matt Chandler from the Village Church, and to listen to the whole thing, go here, you will not be sorry. This has truly been life changing, and I hope it can help you as much as it has helped me.
So Joel and I spent some time a few weeks ago in Massachusetts, kinda like a little scouting trip for our move in less than 3 months! Lol which is surreal to type but apparently is happening! We packed a lot into the visit; we got to visit people from the church, go to the Sunday morning service and the first Sunday night family service, see a new building, visit the hospital where Bert will be born (God willing!), talk about part time jobs for Joel, and visit some apartments. I was super nervous going into this weekend, as I thought it would make everything seem much more real, but it was SO MUCH FUN! We seriously had a blast, and I could go into so many details, but here are some highlights (with sporadic pictures!)
Beautiful view from our super generous host’s backyard (MA is much prettier than IN, gotta give it that!)
For literally months now (maybe a year?) a friend has been trying to get me (and I think everyone in her social circle) to read a book called With by Skye Jethani. Which, if you ask me, just sounds a little out there… Like that’s not really a title, it’s a preposition. And I’m all about interesting quirky names, but I’m not so sure about Skye. Plus, I am constantly getting incredibly excited about many books, sermons, etc, and it is a rare thing indeed that I get anyone else on board, so why should I jump on someone else’s bandwagon? ; )
So I have been going back and forth between excited and nervous about the future in general, moving to MA specifically. Actually, having a baby 880 miles away from friends and family and the place we have called home our entire marriage most specifically. And for the past month or so, I have been pretty firmly in the excited camp. It is an adventure, and a great job for Joel, and we really like the people we already know, and it just sounded exciting. And then, the past few days, the switch has been flipped to panic.
Well maybe not total panic, but more scared than excited. Things with the college ministry Joel leads are winding down for the semester, and going to every Bible Study and PBF thinking it is one of the last few I’ll ever go to here is the weirdest feeling ever. Joel is sympathetic, if completely clueless to the feeling as he does not think about the future at all. Like never, he completely lives in the moment which is nice (and I imagine much less exhausting) but that is not the way my brain works.
So last night was one of the scariest and most painful nights of my life. And it ended up being for the silliest reason. It’s like if you were watching, oh I don’t know, some scary movie (and yes I maybe tried to Google “scary movies” to get a title to use for this and was so freaked out by the picture that I stopped looking. I’m a wimp, so sue me) and the big ending was about innocent little puppies and kittens having a birthday party for a baby rabbit. That was my night last night.
Um petrifying… And we let kids watch these! Image is © The Walt Disney Company
So if you have spent more than about 10 minutes about me, you know I LOVE a certain singer/songwriter/author named Andrew Peterson. I first heard one of his songs in a Bible class in high school, and for some reason, I relate SO much to the way he writes. Every time I listen to his songs, it reminds me of the Gospel and what is true and good and important and the lyrics, oh my goodness, the lyrics. I am officially tone deaf, and know nothing about tunes or melodies, so have always gravitated towards good lyrics and he has them in spades.
He is also NOT twangy (despite what some silly friends (you know who you are) might think). We played one of his songs at our wedding and I listen to him regularly (and try to make others do the same, he is sadly not nearly as popular as I think he should be).
So I heard that pregnancy can make you a little emotional. There are a crazy amount of hormones and changes are happening to your body and there’s just a lot going on. Unfortunately (for me and Joel!) I was just a wee bit emotional before I got pregnant, so I was a bit nervous about how I’d handle everything. And I’d like to say I think I have done a pretty good job, considering that along with a baby our life is taking a pretty drastic change in four months. I have been trying hard to spend consistent time with God and go to Him with my worries and fears. And while I may have teared up a little easier lately, I didn’t think I had been too different. But I have noticed one (very unwelcome) change in this pregnancy, and that is anger.
I am just a teeny bit cuter than this, but still… not very pleasant